IT'S QUARTER TO THREE

Lest you think the DJ nerd night in Scarborough was a horrible experience it was quite the opposite. The accommodation may have been poor but the rest of the evening was a lot of fun. We met in the bar of the hotel; it was immediately apparent this is where all the pensioners were kept.

They had discount drink vouchers. I'd like to think that this will become government policy by the time I reach that age.

Bus pass. Check

Free TV licence. Check

Winter fuel allowance. Check

Discount drink vouchers. Check.

Probably the opposite will be the case.

The upside of this establishment is contrast. In other words if you are surrounded by the elderly, as a middle-aged person you appear a pimply teen who's face has never seen a razor in comparison.

Although as one of the oldest in our party, if you extrapolate, I felt I was running a crèche.

After a couple of drinks we headed in to town to a Chinese restaurant which was very nice and ticked all the relevant boxes.

Food. More beer. Then it was time to hit another bar. This is where these events usually falter.

All the effort goes into the food but after we've eaten the conversation is flowing and we end up wandering aimlessly round whichever town we are in trying to find a bar.

Usually they end up being a deafening boozer rammed with lairy drunks and nowhere to sit. Too noisy to converse and about to close anyway.

This time we hit a casino. A few people were gambling. Music was low as you don't want it too loud in case it upsets the high rollers (although this being Scarborough I'm not sure the stakes were enormous.)

"I'll raise ya, Mr Bun the baker"

"North Yorkshire hold 'em" may not have the same cachet as it's Texas equivalent.

So we sat and yarned. Stories were told. Rumours were spread and eventually there were only a few of us left.

"What time we meeting for breakfast"?

"8.30"

What's the time now"?

"4.30"!

I went to bed and hardly remember turning out the light. I was there on the dot of 8.30 bright eyed and...actually let's just leave it at "I was there at 8.30!”

Thoroughly excellent evening that raises the bar for the next event in Gloucester in February