Wednesday 12 October 2011


We have been sorting out a new bathroom. Or should that be updating a little. New shower and taps, towel radiator and some tiling.

Simple? Er…no!

Went to the big orange DIY warehouse and bought a shower we liked. Unfortunately they didn't have matching taps in stock. Went online and found them at another store. Reserved a pair and rushed off to collect. Then another simple job: tiles. Er…no!

Went to Acme Tiles and selected the ones and the amount we required. None in stock; however, the way this operation worked was that they would phone from head office and take the money, then they would deliver the tiles to the store.

"We've received your order if we could just have your credit card details" chirped the cheery chap on the phone.

After this portion of the transaction he asked, as so many companies do these days:

"Can I ask you on a scale of 0 to 10 what you think of the service for Acme tiles?"

"Erm…can't really give you an answer as so far you have only taken the money. When I receive the tiles and check they are the ones I ordered then I will be in a position to give an opinion.”

"Erm…oh yes," he said, sounding a little chastened.

As I was arranging the taps and the shower in the boot of the car ready to take them home from the Dark Lady's house, I noticed some handwriting on the box which had been sealed with a security tag at the shop: "Parts missing"

Feverish hands opened the container to find only half the bits and no instructions. Grrrrrrr!

Back to the store.

None in stock. However, Andy (for that was his name) offered to collect a replacement from a nearby branch the following day.

So now I had the right shower. The right taps and the phone has just rung and the tiles have arrived.

Now to get them fitted!


The Impaler said...

The Big Orange DIY Dungeon... you have Home Despot in the UK?

My DIY chore has been to research gate hinges and latches, of which the selection at the Orange Box (and the Blue Box, aka Lowe's) is somewhat lacking. Cure: went to the local branch of the (locally-owned) farm-and-feed store. They had what the mega-chains did not: suitable hardware. Hinges with Cojones! Latches that would hold back a tempestuous rhino!

...and horehound drops for the sore throat that comes from trying to imitate the New Zealand rugby Haka (which I have begun to study as a ritualistic-motivational thingy).

They even have bulk painting-pads, which I use extensively in the cleaning of old records.


Mark said...

When the bathroom improvement story is completed, I'll let you know if I'm satisfied with it.

Home improvement and hardware stores give me a belly ache. They're like hospitals -- when I'm there, it's never good news.

mwhite229 said...

luv the two comments above - especially the first one - does the male gender have a different language.... are you going to turn into a DIY expert Alex, that's what marriage does for you - are you taking lessons from your dad (hehehe)

Slyppery Syd said...

Oh no ... it's my turn next to suffer a new bathroom - ughhh! It was bad enough decorating all rooms in the house ... and I'm NOT even getting married!!!!