WAITING FOR THE MAN

As I have detailed before in this blog, after the show is over I snatch a few hours sleep before its back to the grindstone. Sorting stuff for the next days show. Or attempting to be the perfect husband.

Already I feel I'm losing you on this one. I must admit the definition of work is reminiscent of the lyrics to Dire Straits "Money for nothing" (without hopefully the homophobic comments contained in the words of the album version.)

You may remember the song was banned briefly in Canada. However, as with so many examples of tabloid-induced public outrage, the context was missed or ignored.

It does seem that with the advent of social media it is far easier to be angry than it used to be.

In the old days if you were furious you had to put pen to paper and write to the newspaper or the source of your annoyance.

These days you can tweet, Email or Facebook your fury and at the same time provoke mass outrage enlisting others that builds into a mass movement of people, very often largely ignorant of the cause of the anger but anxious to complain.

I can still remember a furious letter I received early in my career. A listener incoherent with rage berating me for suggesting that you should give children drugs!

I was horrified. As was the management. This could be the end of my broadcasting career.

Tapes of my programmes were examined in detail. Eventually we realised what the complainant was objecting to.

An off the cuff remark about Christmas in response to a letter about the tyranny of family visits and expectations over the festive season.

I had suggested that a good way to ensure you never had to visit relatives on the 25th was to give their kids a set of DRUMS!

Sorry. Tangent time there. I had just intended to tell you that I spent the day waiting for the burglar alarm service engineer. He turned up on time. Did his job and went. Not such an interesting story perhaps.

WHAT A PICTURE

Over the weekend, Dark Lady and I had the exciting prospect of a big TV.

We both like the TV. I like music documentaries, US comedies, cartoons, plus programmes about cars, buses, trains. In fact any transport-related stuff.

Her tastes are rather more sophisticated: News and current affairs, wildlife documentaries, sport, drama, with The Voice, X Factor and Strictly as guilty pleasures. She can multitask being a girl so can work on her computer with one of the "talent" shows on in the back ground.

Our tastes coincide with films. We both like road films as we both like driving holidays. We love comedies and are working our way through the complete works of Woody Allen.

I think it was our third date when we discovered one of our favourite movies was The Party, a rather odd Peter Sellers vehicle about an idiot film extra.

The only area of dissension is slapstick. I'm a big Laurel and Hardy and Marx Brothers fan.

She – sadly - is not. Whilst I doubt it will damage our relationship, it is a cause of some sadness knowing we'll probably never snuggle up on the settee together chuckling at the Three Stooges or Abbott and Costello.

She is also a mite disappointed that her husband will never be able to watch X Factor without getting annoyed at the obvious cynical manipulation of the audience, the generally mediocre performers and the hysterical audience shrieking with delight when one of the acts managed to hit a high note.

To this end I usually try and busy myself elsewhere in case I spoil her enjoyment.

So it was with some excitement we settled ourselves down in front of this enormous flat screen TV with a Blu Ray 3D DVD player attached.

I'd bought Gnomeo and Juliet, a sensitive reworking of the Shakespeare classic using, er, garden gnomes.

In order for it to work we had to don special specs. Unlike others I have used these were battery powered.

We enjoyed the film. Me for the pratfalls and broad comedy. Dark Lady for the clever parallels with the original play.

We both agreed the 3D was excellent. It was only when I collected the special electronic specs and went to turn them off that I discovered her pair hadn't been turned on in the first place!

BUSY DOING NOTHING

I can remember my late mother and also the elderly mother of an ex-girlfriend of mine who found it a chore to do more than one thing per day.

I used to scoff at this lack of drive and energy. However as I get older myself, I am beginning to see the attraction in this behavior.

Last weekend all I did was saunter down to Hastings old town. Look at some nice old cars.

I then sauntered back, watched a huge amount of tv and filed a few CDs. I also slept a lot. This I decided was fun.

This week in comparison I've been a whirlwind.

Monday: Shoe. Food shopping. Gym. CD listening.  Blog.

Tuesday: Shoe. Flying. CD listening. Blog.

Wednesday: Shoe. Train to Birmingham and back to visit my dad. Long time in phone shop trying to get it to work properly. Blog.

Thursday: Shoe. Chores for Dark Lady. Paperwork. CD listening. Video shoot.  Gym. Blog.

No wonder I'm a husk!

However, looking back at what I've just written none of this can be described as arduous.

So just ignore me.

HANGING ON THE TELEPHONE

Nearly a week into my new phone and it's beginning to become clear. However there a lot of things I'm finding tricky

Not least is the hair trigger predictive text function.

It has a mind of its own and seems to fire off at least a consonant ahead of any phone I've had before.

For example:

I'll new attempt time tell uiy my inside Lester meAsus. It's currently thirty inched. Altair I expensive it to details as I get Olivia

Translation:

I'll attempt to tell you my inside leg measurement. It's currently thirty inches although I expect it to decrease as I get older.

Sending videos to my Facebook page was a doddle on the previous one.

For this I spent forty minutes in the shop today with the "expert". She spent an inordinate amount of time online looking at user forums to find out if anyone was having similar problems. I could have done that myself!

In the end we downloaded an app that failed to work. Then downloaded another that did.

I thanked her and as the battery was nearly flat bought a branded charger so I could plug it in on the train.

As we pulled out if the station I excitedly opened the box to find the adapters were missing so I couldn't plug it in!

DAYS

What with all the flat hunting hardly had time to think of other stuff.

Yet fair amount of other things have happened.

Dark lady and I had intended to head off to France for the weekend but were thwarted by a ferry strike.

Say what you like about the French. When they do industrial action they do it with a certain elan.

Rather than withdraw their labour and huddle round a brazier on the picket line like we do. (I was brought up in the Midlands and so remember any number of British Leyland strikes. I was also living in Yorkshire when the miners strike was in full swing.)

Our continental cousins decided to withdraw their labour without warning so no one knew if or when their boat would leave. Result - management stepped in and all crossings were cancelled and so we stayed at home.

A friend of ours who lives in France some years ago had an interesting exchange with striking drivers, who had blocked the main roads and had asked the farmers to help by blocking the back roads. He rounded a corner to find a tractor and trailer parked across the road.

"Excuse me, can you move your vehicle?"

"Non"

"I need to get by" (my French collapses at this point so we'll continue in English)

"Wait"

"How long for?"

"About an hour"

"AN HOUR??!!"

"Yes"

"What am I going to do for an hour?"

"Climb up into the trailer and help yourself"

The farmer had installed a bar in the back. By the time an hour had passed there was a party going on in the middle of the road and no one felt like going anywhere.

Other event this week has been acquisition of new mobile phone. Having been iPhone'd for the last two years, I've gone back to Android. I wanted a larger screen. I now have that.

I had a notebook which was costing me and never worked properly. So I cancelled that part of the contract.

Now I just have to get to grips with the new system. I'm blogging from it now so I think it's working. Only problem is apps. I had a few on the old phone. They are not duplicated on the new phone. If they are, they are not free.  I'll have to ask some other android users where I can access something similar.

However I have to be on alert as Jamie the dark stepson has already cased the phone. It meets with his approval. His mobile contract is up soon I think!

WHEREVER I LAY MY HAT

So I've found a place to live from the beginning of next month. Now the paperwork.

If you've ever tried to rent anywhere you'll know the hoops that you have to hurl yourself through.

Pic dog leaping through flaming hoop

First the bank account details.

Then the referees

No, I meant references.

Two at least to show I'm trustworthy.

Identification. A passport. Friend of mine doesn't have a passport. No idea how he ever managed to rent anywhere.

Then permission to contact bank to check you have money

Then a deposit. Then details of previous two landlords. Erm, I've only had one

Well how about address of previous rental property and landlords details?

I can give you managing agents’ details

That'll do… (I think)

Date of birth

11/5/56

Is that everything?

For the time being

If this all goes ahead I'll be vacating my current place after four and half years with a lot of good memories. It's sad to be going but a whole new world awaits in a new neighbourhood.

I'm busy packing up, cleaning up and generally getting ready to leave. I even think it'll take a couple of car loads no more to move my stuff. Bearing in mind I'm moving to a lot smaller place, so I'm going to have to be tidier.

FEELS LIKE HOME

Sorry for lack of bloggage over the past week. I've been looking for somewhere to rest my weary head. 

The uncomfortable truth is that rents in London have risen considerably over the last few years as the recession has struck and people aren't finding it easy to get a mortgage. 

So I've effectively been priced out of my flat. 

I have two choices. Move further away from work. Or stay close by, get somewhere smaller and so get more sleep and save on transport costs. 

I've opted for the latter. So will shortly be moving into what my late mother would have termed "a bug hutch".

It's clean. Quiet. Comfortable and......tiny. 

I shall tell you more next week.