ON THE BEACH

Took Friday off so the Dark Lady and I could have a long romantic weekend in France.

However things are never as you intend them to be. After the show we hot footed it down to Folkestone to catch the train across to Calais. It was cold and the DL was feeling a bit under the weather.

From Calais it is a 250 mile drive to our destination. We had been warned it was cold. The temperature started to fall. It had been minus 1 in the UK. By the time we reached Normandy it was minus 10.

The lane up to the house was only just passable and we had to leave the car on the road as to turn into the farmyard would have meant it being up to its axles in snow.

The house was warm (ish) although not as warm as it could be and part of the water system appeared to be frozen. There was water in the kitchen and a bathroom but upstairs the basin was frozen solid as was the shower. Perhaps if we turned the heating up it would all thaw out.
With a clank the heating system failed as it had run out of oil. I'd phoned the heating oil guy last week to ask him to fill up the tank. So phoned and left a message on his mobile and on his home number.
We were due to see some friends on Friday night and called them and theytoo had been in touch with heating guy as well.
"He'll try and drop by this afternoon. He asks you not to call him again though".
Seems the whole world had had the same idea so he was finding it difficult to service all his customers.
Still we got the oil albeit a rationed amount and the house heated up. DL was too. By this time she was running a temperature.
"You ok"?
I asked concerned for my gorgeous wife.
"Agggnissshhhhaaaoooooo" she replied.
There was nothing for it. Saw some wood and build a roaring fire. That should help.
"Feeling any better" asked her concerned husband (me).
"AAAAAAUUGGGHHHIIIIIIINNNAAASHHHHOOOOOWWWWWW!!"
She replied prettily.
We opened a bottle of wine and broke out some cheese and various bits of snack type food as her appetite was all but gone.
"Hows that"?
"AAAAAAAAAUUUUUUIIIIIGGGGGGNNNNNNIIISSHSHHHHOOOOWWWW!!"
"I think you are sounding better....well certainly louder my love"

Saturday came and it was still minus 10. However the house was warmer as was the Dark Lady. Curious thing about the flu you can be burning up but still be freezing.
We went to visit Edith next door. She is 76 and doesn't enjoy heat. So much so, as we sat having a cup of coffee and trying to understand her lightning French we could see our breath.
"Zoo win yo izt cool yi hack instead heatlily malady"? I said. (I learned all my French from Officer Crabtree in 'Allo ‘Allo).

"BBBRRRRRRRRSHIVVERRRRRR ACKACK KACHOOOOOO!” agreed the Dark Lady who speaks influenza in several languages.

Back home and I decided it would a good wheeze to light the solid fuel cooker so we could heat up something nourishing.
All that happened was that the kitchen filled with smoke.
"HACK HACK KOFF WHEEZE KERCHOO!" We chorused in perfect harmony. We were obviously destined to be together.
Sunday and I had forgotten what time the ferry was due to depart. A quick check and we were running behind schedule.
"We'll have to hurry darling or we'll miss it"
"Koo koo ka choo" (for some reason my wife was now channelling Alvin Stardust with the flu). We hurriedly flung things into the car and raced to the ferry port to find ourselves alone. A further check of the tickets revealed we were two hours early.
So we filled in the time with a bracing walk on the beach. The video clip is now up on Facebook.
Off the ferry at 9.15pm and back to London for an hour in bed before the show.
"Great weekend, I could do it all again right now. Don't think I'd change a thing" I beamed at my adored partner as as I turned out the light.
"Snuffle kerchoo" she said sadly.